I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I think my moral compass just broke
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