You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i think my tv is drunk
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
