Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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