Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
