Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Randomize
