Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
