I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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