Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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