THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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