the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
