Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
