Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize