You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
