we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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