if i can run in heels then i can drive
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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