You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
