I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
