Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
