youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
