I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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