so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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