Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Randomize
