There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
