So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
