This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
