i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
there was a trapeze. enough said
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
