Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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