ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
