people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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