We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
