If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
