ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
