Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
