Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
