Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
