he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize