yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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