I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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