ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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