I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
