I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
