I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm like, not good at living.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
