i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
