Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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