I want to make a zoo with you.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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