I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
