I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize