New low: just hacked my moms facebook
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
