and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
