Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize