im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
