you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
