I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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