I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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