Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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