Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize