Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
