Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
