she was so not down for the gang bang
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
