he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
